"So.....you and I are parting ways after 34 years?....Really? I respond,"I can no longer find logic in our friendship. Our fellowship destroys all beauty in the immediate vicinity. Our joyous laughs together are madness, others suffer at our hands tremendously! There can be no truce nor peace between us,.....it is finished! Anger says " So you say NOW, but how long before your logic turns to madness when word arrives to Prides ears! Ha! Will you dismiss him too? You need us for survival, sadly you will realize this far to late when you are no longer with the living. It will be as you say, however, I , unlike you, shall never abandon you. I will be forever a hearts beat away to assist you should you ever call on me........JASON! What occurred earlier tonight alone one on one with Anger and me was unbelievably difficult. I have not found myself trapped in an internal dialogue and external confrontation with yet another person in quite some time. I was astounded at my internal struggle within my very core to lash out in violent ripples of deepest crimson. There must have been some unforeseen force of nature preventing an all out explosive fury to destroy what ever existed in this other being who spewed such taunting remarks that I have no current recollections of recent or past memories to describe his desire to engage me in death lock ending with one man standing and another grasping his last. I will not defile this telling of what occurred by taking any credit for the supernatural resistance to destroy this man and end his days forever. I am shocked and humiliated by the presence of ANGER so deep and raw within that ironically calls me to shame and a desperate need for further introspection. This man had a look in his eye of one who was wishing for danger and wanting to vent something which lay hidden within his sour look when I had approached him."Can I help you"? "In my home?...You dare in such tone ask ME if I can be helped!!!" Pride rammed his head deep into his helmet and before I knew it this predator lashed out with such a pose and gritty teeth, that WAR was the only option. Without thought, the diplomacy of a politician took over and the man was pushed beyond his limits and spewed even more profanity and bitterness as if wishing me death while speaking. I believe that a softer side of nature was present and attempting to reason with me and get my attention. After all, it was after hours and I was off the clock attending to business matters that should have been dealt with earlier, but, somehow I managed to overlook this particular detail that had me face to face with my Anger. Ask and you shall receive. To progress the universe had shown me internal enemy # 1..ANGER! Rather than do what I had intended to do and leave, I paused and engaged someone and they responded and my present attitude now conflicted with the beast within that normal was allowed to roam freely in anticipation of an opponent. Now, things are different. I am engaging a different path which is not a violent path, or even one with allowances for mild anger. I was trapped in a situation that normally I would flow with and steamroll over the objective before me, but now, I was torn between loyalty to a higher ethic and knew this could jeopardize my most recent efforts to grow spiritually. I lowered my tone and backed out slowly and strategically. I allowed the man to continue to batter me and realized that he was not physically assaulting me, so why should I be so worked up and bent out of shape? I realized right then and there he was going to take me further than I had EVER imagined. I am truly humbled by this experience and realize that words and actions are two different things. Actions truly are LOUDER than words could ever be. My actions showed me that I am ready for change but need to refine my sensitivity to the "Universal Force" and be mindful of my thoughts and be sure that they match and are completely in sync and harmonic. I must learn to be present and disengage a situation if my concentration is not one centered and focused on peace. There is more to this reflection and I will explore it in more detail later today after I have rested some. Until then ...NAMASTE!
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