The Beauty Of Anger

Alone with my youngest daughter,"Jayden" on the front porch of my home. She and I were engaged in silent mindful gardening. A peaceful setting. She and I together watered the plants that we have out surrounding our front porch area. Jayden will always ask me if she can help me with whatever I am doing. I do my best to allow for this time to be together, so as to use these precious moments to instill calm and quite focused movements. We had a plant go from a 4" by 6" in size to 2 feet by 2 feet in size, and overgrowing the second pot it was placed in. So, what a perfect opportunity, to practice mindfulness while attending to the needs of nature surrounding are home.
All was flowing in a ZEN like manner. She and I were consciously Breathing together. I was instructing Jayden as she watered the plants in the ways that one can be still and mindful of their actions. After we completed one of two new plants that would eventually be suspended on a fancy metal cross bar. I walked one over to the bar to load the first planter on. As soon as I turned around to go back to the porch, Jayden was asking a question, grabbing the other potted plant, ready and eagerly anticipating the prepping of this planter,some how, the other planter we had been working on had fallen over. After all the preparation that went in to this one plant, my "Shadow Self " aka: "The Ego" was so enraged that I said very firmly, almost instantly, without even a thought ..."Savannah!..Jayden!...." I stopped as soon as I had said it, realizing how fast the ego had taken over, the anger surged within so fast like some drug had just been injected into my veins. I was so angry that, I called out my oldest daughters name, instead of Jaydens. Savannah wasn't even home. She was in school. This is how delusional Anger can make you. That was how intense the emotion of anger struck me. Jayden froze with such a look of fear and dread. I knew this emotion had to be checked immediately, without delay. I plopped down into a chair behind me and she upon my last glimpse of her face, was frozen in time. Her beautiful face now with a tortured look caused by my tonality and body language spoke volumes to her Little mind. That face she made appeared to be frozen in what seemed like an eternity to me as I slowly walked backwards towards the chair behind me and plopped down in it. I covered my eyes as if I were going to cry. I took several deep breaths and focused intensely on them. As I began to breath deeply, something that has never in my life happened before, occurred , that was mind altering. I "saw" with my eyes covered in the darkness behind my eye lids, what can only be described as, jolts of electricity zapping at an internal mind screen, complete with sound and all. I began to focus deeper on the breath, in defense of and to connect to the stillness that lies deep within. The deeper I went the mind went into a frenzy of heart palpitations, with pounding and exaggerated speeds, as If I were under some assault. I continued to breath deeply to get some sort of grip on my mind running rampant like some caged animal. The mind could not get me to react and lash out so it turned on me. It began the "blame game", as if to lecture me. Once this realization from a deeper place came through, I was renewed with an intensity of focus. I became more focused than ever before, breathing with such mindfulness that I slipped "out of body" and into a "cathedral" size expansive space and a soft cooling blue shade all around and I felt as if I were traveling upwards, all in a matter of Nano seconds. This place was immense in a way that makes it difficult to describe. Jayden was reaching for the door and the sound of this I believe brought me back to my body instantaneously. I returned back to a stillness we had been feeling earlier.I opened my eyes and I said to her "Jayden wait!" What daddy"? Perhaps shocked that I didn't lash out and strike her in anger. In a playful tone I said "This plant needs are help". Happily and very surprised, she obliged. I was content with the results of being present and amazed at the same time at what had just took place. I had an epiphany. Anger requires energy to exist. If you confront your anger and acknowledge it, you can combat it by remaining present and channeling the energy back into the body in the present moment sending greater energy into your being. The effect can result in an out of body experience and possibly even more. This was my experience. I was moved beyond words. I will meditate on this event today. There in the presence of Anger, I experienced a beautiful thing, all thanks to Anger. I realized that I was simply breathing and not resisting. This single factor is the key here. Be Well today! Be Whole! NAMASTE!