The Way Of The Peaceful Warrior

I have a new job and responsibilities. The opportunity has arisen and the door was opened for a reason. Why it was opened is unimportant in the present, only accepting what is as it is, is all that truly matters. I am now in a greater capacity to serve people and provide safety with trainningg and an enhanced view of property operation's. This will be a much larger "canvas to paint on". I'm truly grateful for such an opportunity as it will enhance my ability in mindfulness to a new level of awareness previously not possible. This new position will open up other doors and new horizons will emerge. So this year ends with the start of anew job and the promise of greater opportunity for spiritual enrichment and ultimate tranquility. Practicing mindfulness on a larger populace is awesome too. I will be able to witness the effect mindfulness can have on adults in a new environment that has endless possibilities and unlimited potential. May I be aware in all the new surroundings and be of service to all who cross my path throughout my day. This is my first week and I have been reviewed in a positive light already, for this I am also greatful to have had a good beginning. Namaste!

Your Worst Enemy Is Your Greatest Teacher

  It began drisseling around 8 or so this morning. I was up and had been working on some lighting designs for my company "The Ambient Being." I showed the designs to my fiance' and she said "That's gonna be to bright". Her tone and body language revealed her unconciousness instantly. I was immediately effected by her vibration and could feel the darkness surging through my veins. I reminded myself to breath, but somehow the anger was pushing pass my defenses. She could see my frustration with her and how her criticism was not constructive but crass and blunt. She then took to a defensive posture and tried to justify what she had said, but by this point I wanted to avoid the ensuing confrontation and leave the room before this spark became a flame that would burn down the house. I felt the urge to run. As I prepared silently for the run and gathered the things I would need, I reminded myself of the fact that unconcious people are not truely aware of their speach and conditioned responses. She was also having a difficult time getting her lighting system to work for her upcoming photography session and no doubt had been anxious about that. This would be Shawna's second attempt at this shoot for her client and was hoping for the best,so my lighting fixture drawing was understandably on the lower end of the priority scale.
   I was ready now for my run and had turned the kitchen corner and had run almost into her. She lovingly without words would usually block my path until I would be confronted with her, and she would have this smile that said "I'm sorry, now get over it". However, this time, she actually did the usual road block, BUT, she said the words "I'm sorry", and they were heart felt, and I knew it! I felt it within my being that she was not being sarcastic but genuine. "I got my lights to work"she said. She was now relieved that this ordeal with the lights was over and so was I. By the time she and I had this exchange, I was already pumped about running and said "oh baby, don't worry about it, it's ok". And you know what?....I meant it. The honesty felt amazing. In that exchange we were human, frail and loving. It was ambience taking a hold of a situation and breathing through it. Breathing through everything is the key to life. Every sound uttered requires a good amount of intake of air to produce a sound. Breathing,breathing,breathing and more breathing. Everything you need to know is in the breath, and most importantly, your breath.
   Now her brother, is a different matter altogether. A unique individual, smart, yes, at times funny, etc. However, he has been living with us for more than a year. The original agreement was two weeks. I think we both know how these types of arrangements turn out in the end. He struggels with alcohol addiction and we've been living with this "Dr. Jekel and Mr.Hide" personality for the entire time. To say that it was rough would be too generalized in my honest oppinion and not specific enough in order to convey the messege. It was the relationship that began a year ago and that ultimately lead to me walking away from the spiritual progress I had made, and slowly I began to regress in my trainning in the beautiful art of Mindfulness. To make this story short, I went through a very dark time in my life as a result of my fall. I gave into the fear that he would disturb my peace and so that just lead to frustration when he would'nt stop drinking. This just lead to more and more frustration which grew into bitterness, then anger crept in fast, and before I realized what had happened I had completely regressed to levels I was not even at before my period of powerful enlightenment, mindfulness of the present moment. Our time together had come to an end and I did'nt even realize it. The whole year I wanted him out of my home because "HE is the reason why I'm no longer a peaceful person!" and "He brings out the worst in people!" and so on and so on. The anger led to the blame game, and my ego loved being superior. I went through a necessary period of darkness to truely appreciate the light when it would return, and I always knew that it would return when the time had come and the lesson was learned. I was arguing with him even when he was not present! You know what I'm talking about. You are washing dishes and thinking about the big blow out days later and suddenly your heart begins to beat faster and faster and faster, and boom!...you are in a full on argument with this person and sometimes it even spills out into the open air and now your talking to yourself aloud! Sound familiar? We all have fallen short of the glory at some point or another, and perfection lies in the raising up from the floor when we have fallen down. I felt the time had come to let go of all the anger and hurt and bitter rage that was botteled up inside me and,....even say I'm sorry. I went for that run this morning. Nick and I had'nt talked since two days before Thanksgiving. Here we are december 4th, that's how long our grievience went. It was ongoing for the entire time he stayed with us. Our final blowout between him and I, I held nothing back but fired arrows of burning truth about all that I had built up inside for nearly a decade of knowing him. I was now standing on the porch, returning from a divine run and feeling amazing and blissful in the present moment. Coming from almost nowhere, Nick rides out from the side of my home on his bike into the slight drissel coming down now. I paused for a few seconds, gaging and thinking of how can I utter my first words to him in days. As he pedaled off down the drive way, "Where you goin Nick?" is what came out of my mouth, and it felt wonderful to speak to him again, and joy flooding back in to my being like blood to a torniqette apllied to a torn limb! He obviously shocked that I spoke to him caused him to mumbel a few words about running some errands and somethting about an apartment. "You need a ride?" I said truthfully and whole heartedly. This made him actually turn around on his bike in a the body language that seem to say " I appreciate the offer but I'm fine for now". He said he got the apartment he had been trying to get for some time now and that he was going to be out on monday. "Oh, you got the apartment? ..Cool". He quietly road off into the rain now, and I stood there and watched. Those words are what I thought I had wanted to hear come from his mouth all year long, but instead I felt such a powerful surge of electric humility corse through my body that my eyes gushed with tears like a punctured artery.I was stunned by my bodys emotional response and baffeled by the silence. No jumping for joy like those T.V. commercials you see. No laughter erupted from my belly like Santa. Instead, the pure truth sunk in. He was leaving, his lesson I had learned painfully well, HUMILITY. My teacher road away in the rain and I stood there,stunned,and in awe. My tears came down like a ruptured dark cloud filled with oceans of tears pouring out of my face. My worst enemy was my greatest teacher and he was now leaving. NAMASTE!

The Mandala and The Teacher

As I dreamt in the early hours of this morning, I saw many things in the realm of night visions and astral travel. I happened to enter a place very much like a large Aikido dojo. However, this place, was for what must be some form of Yoga instruction. Had it been Kundalini, the instructor would have been more than likely dressed in white. She, the instructor was not dressed in white, but she had the vibration of a Kundalini instructor and I was familiar with her, and the class I must have attended it before. I brought with me a huge soft blanket, but stronger than a normal sheet or blanket. It may have been woven, I'm not sure where I got it from, this was not reavealed to me in the dream. I would compare it to a painters tarp. It could literally blanket the room. It was also round and had all the markings of a "Mandala".(See image above) I began opening it up so I could share it with the entire class, so that they could all sit on it for whatever the practice was going to be, as I had never once spoke of or discussed Yoga being the subject matter for the class room setting. In fact, it's more a vibe I received than anything spoken. The teacher, a female who had dark hair and a light skin tone to the face, but details were not there for her face. She wore colorful clothing and her dress bottoms were long and loose like a gypsies. She saw me opening the blanket and said politely , "You don't have to open it all the way". I felt she was reassuring me that it was not necessary, however if that is what I wanted to do then it was fine. I continued to open it up fully as I was determined to share it with the others. There were guys and girls present in the class room, and later on one of them had to go in an abrupt manner, in which the Teacher asked the young man something politely, but I did not catch what she said or perhaps I just can't recall what she asked, but he seemed to be late for work as he returned to gather his belongings from the floor where we all sat and was wearing a purple nurses scrub. That's when she asked the question, and he politely declined at which time I seated very close to her, being close in relationship with this teacher said "At least you asked, the worst that can happen is he says no". I was smiling as If to be enjoying my class and company as well. I felt I belonged and had been a student for some undisclosed amount of time there. Now the details of my "Mandala" blanket were this, beautiful and colorful, almost identical to the image you see above. So this morning the first thing I did on the computer was run a search in Google images for Mandala's to see what came up and on the very first page there was this image and it struck a cord with me and my dream, and so I saved it and began to blog this dream right away so as not to lose the importance of it's message. I also read up on Mandalas and there meaning. It's a Sanskrit word that means "Circle". I have been working an a new logo for my company called "The Ambient Being" and my primary symbol is one I had received through deep meditation last year and have been working with recently, after along absence from my path. The symbol is a single brilliant navy azzurit blue ring with a pure white background. It symbolizes the infinite , having no beginning and no end, our true nature displayed metaphorically. I believe, representing our highest form. We are eternal beings, and so I chose(really led to) this as the logo for "The Ambient Being". I believe as time goes on I will discover more to this logo like a Mandala, unraveling it upon deeper meditation, in time more revelations, insights will come. I'm taking each day in moment to moment increments. Focusing on my breath as I go. NAMASTE!

The Sleeping Buddha

Have you ever awakened in a dream, only to find you were still "inside" that dream? You wake up and maybe you tell some one else in the dream about the dream you were just having, and when this dream is over, you awaken to find that you had a "Dream within a Dream". I believe we all have the "Buddha Nature" within us. which is to say the ability to "awaken in this dream and realize that this is a dream world wrapped in another dimension and so on and so on. By choice we may activate this "Buddha Nature" or not. Some enjoy the "illusion" of the matrix just like "Cypher" in the film "The Matrix". Ultimately we decide how to navigate this world. However the World responds to our thoughts and our deeds. Whether one outside of us or ourselves directly,we attach labels such as "good" and of course more often than not"bad". We seem to hear about the bad more than good, or its close relative "potential". Potential is where the game lies dormant awaiting a willing participant to engage this Matrix we call "Earth". Each new day has this "potential".That potential lives in each of us. Potential for what? To discover answers to questions we have as "Humans" that we have yet answered. I believe there are two people that exist in this world(matrix). There are those of the mindset that if they have a question they go on a quest to seek out the answer within the matrix and then there are those that see through the matrix and it's code and go beyond the matrix and look within themselves for the answers. It has been said that we are Awareness disguised as a person having a human experience" I agree and resonate with this saying. Do you? Since last years experience of awakening within my core being, I began to lose sight of the original plan. I awakened and began to adjust my "vision" so as to see things for what they are and not as they "appeared" in this matrix. My goal was to see clearly and report what I see to others accurately. I found that in my experience, the others were not always willing to hear what I reported when I was usually asked my opinion on a matter, serious or not so serious, I spoke truthfully and this frightened people in ways that can best be described by using classic horror terminology. I discovered that Humans had a strong fear of the TRUE nature of the present moment. I discovered great opposition to the NOW as opposed to the future, where I had thought most people spend there present consciousness pondering it. Yes there was fear and apprehension regarding a potential or very possible future, but, nothing like the dissatisfaction they saw with the result of an "awakening" like the boring prospects of meditation and mindfulness and present awareness exercises. Was it laziness? Was it to serious an attitude to take here in the present on "Earth"? I felt constant resistance to what was in the present by those who did not want to end thier "Game Play". It was like trying to pry the attention of someone away from thier hand held IPHONE's. I aborted the present course at that time because I had allowed the old mindset and ways of thinking back in for a brief second that immediately muddied the waters of my fountain of perpetual youth. I ignored the resluting issues that developed within my mind because I became addicted to serenity. Serenity was not the problem, but like anything else I became dependent on it for comfort of an illuminated state of mind and did not want to engage anything for a moment so as to be contamination free. I became a spiritual germaphobe. You know the type of person who no longer associates with others from thier former circle because they are to pious. One can easily become engulfed in their practices and forget the world as much as an IT tech addict with a brand new piece of hardware. I became imbalanced and this infected my spiritual ecosystem. This condition ultimately lead me to a dark opening in my mind and I "FELL" down the rabbit hole and found out that it was far more deeper than I had ever imagined. This condition I found myself in was so dire I went from Divinity manifest in the physical to a tortured soul beyond any other time in my life. The greatest lesson of all was right around the corner though. Humility was introduced to me and I butt heads with him rather quickly, for obvious reasons. I mean, who wants to admit their not humble enough to move on to the next level? I began to play out all sorts of different scenarios just to justify why I aborted/quit engaging the present moment. I blamed in a 360 degree panoramic view of my self everything within sight or hearing regarding my "Fall". I found a lot in common with Ebeneezer Scrooge of Charles Dickens Classic tale "A Christmas Carol". I realized through different scenarios I kept getting into that I was once awake and had present awareness as a constant state of mind and then slipped into "Role Play". I became unconscious. That's it. I beat myself up everyday and spoke of the "Golden Days' when I was Ghandi or Neo(lol). The realization itself put me in a tail spin of depression which shocked me that I was "still" capable of falling for that masterful trick of the "Shadow Self". I can not tell you when or where or even how it happened exactly , but somehow I began to climb back out of the hole I had fallen into and was asleep in for some time now.That's why I chose the picture under the heading. I never lost my "Buddha Nature". I simply forgot about it, the same way one forgets the room he or she is sleeping in right before drifting off into another realm of consciousness known to us Humans as sleep. I emerged with an appreciation for loss and gained a new foundation and a new perspective on the present moment that was much needed in order to maintain a solid, constant, steady walk on the path to my higher self. When I say higher I mean a more pure sense of self in respect to Humanity and the Earth. I ,.we are truly fragile vessels and must conduct ourselves in such a way as not to spill one precious drop of the essence of the ALL that IS within US. It is the elixir of Immortality, the "Gateway to Heaven", truly the stuff dreams are made of. NAMASTE'

The End Of The Road

This is an image that resembles my feelings some times when I am overwhelmed. Anxiety grips quickly, and I feel like getting in this position. This posture says "leave me alone!" and " I can't take this anymore!" I have been there before. I have felt this way many times this year after my loss of focus on the present moment. In fact I have felt this way more times than I would probably like to admit. This is a place emotionally that I believe many arrive at, and that's OK. It's what we "do" within that moment that matters tremendously. It's what occurs afterward that determines whether or not we will stay in this position for a long time. This position can potentially lead to the "blame game" and lots of anger. Also, this posture can lead to self pity. Neither attitudes are constructive. This is what I think that the "end of the road" looks like for many of us. I'm pretty much there now. It's what action I take next that determines if I will arise and find "THE" posture of liberation. That posture is one of intense oneness and calm. This would be evidenced in the language of the body because of the state that my mind is in. How vast a universe are our individual minds. I experienced moments of zen beyond texts, whether sacred or not. I also know the experience of the absence of such a state and the resulting pain of loss and serenity afterwards. I must speak truthfully here. I miss the feeling of oneness and the joy that it brings is lasting far more than anything I have ever experienced. I have been restless now for much too long, however irrelevant the subject of time is. I will focus on the breath now , once again taking my seat in the proper place. The seat of the SOURCE of All that is. Be well today! Namaste'!

ATALOSS

In 28 days I will be 35 years old. I felt it was time for a return to a balance that is harmonic and non violent in nature. This image expressed the feeling of my true natures facial expression. I imagined myself locked away some where deep within me looking out at me and just in awe as I observed myself and my actions. How can I do the things I am doing after achieving what I had so many months ago. From where I stand now, almost a year has passed since my peaceful stage. I miss that earlier time before the Jediism and all the other religious jargon. A time when there just was me and the breath. That's it. If I'm not mistaken, it's been 10 months since my last blog entry. I suppose I've been extremely angry and depressed since my fall back to the former self, the "shadow self ". Am I ready for another attempt at it? Am I ready? Is it worth it? I don't know, and that's probably a good place to start. Being honest with my self, acknowledging that I do not have all the answers right now, but .....I'm working on it. I find myself truly at a loss for anything in this present moment. I know that I have been paying less and less attention to my breathing , and that's where the problem began and lies. I'd prefer to be at a loss for words and such because adjusting is a bit easier this way. I have been "under water" so to speak and have been looking for a place to reemerge to the surface and come back up for AIR. NOW is the "time". I suppose being speechless is greater than having much to say. Well here I am, once again blogging. Lets see where this goes. I have been away for so long from myself and growing increasingly more and more isolated and anti-social. These are not very good indicators. Then again with out them how can I know it's time for resurfacing so to get some fresh air? Anyways ...until whenever...NAMASTE!