The End Of The Road

This is an image that resembles my feelings some times when I am overwhelmed. Anxiety grips quickly, and I feel like getting in this position. This posture says "leave me alone!" and " I can't take this anymore!" I have been there before. I have felt this way many times this year after my loss of focus on the present moment. In fact I have felt this way more times than I would probably like to admit. This is a place emotionally that I believe many arrive at, and that's OK. It's what we "do" within that moment that matters tremendously. It's what occurs afterward that determines whether or not we will stay in this position for a long time. This position can potentially lead to the "blame game" and lots of anger. Also, this posture can lead to self pity. Neither attitudes are constructive. This is what I think that the "end of the road" looks like for many of us. I'm pretty much there now. It's what action I take next that determines if I will arise and find "THE" posture of liberation. That posture is one of intense oneness and calm. This would be evidenced in the language of the body because of the state that my mind is in. How vast a universe are our individual minds. I experienced moments of zen beyond texts, whether sacred or not. I also know the experience of the absence of such a state and the resulting pain of loss and serenity afterwards. I must speak truthfully here. I miss the feeling of oneness and the joy that it brings is lasting far more than anything I have ever experienced. I have been restless now for much too long, however irrelevant the subject of time is. I will focus on the breath now , once again taking my seat in the proper place. The seat of the SOURCE of All that is. Be well today! Namaste'!

ATALOSS

In 28 days I will be 35 years old. I felt it was time for a return to a balance that is harmonic and non violent in nature. This image expressed the feeling of my true natures facial expression. I imagined myself locked away some where deep within me looking out at me and just in awe as I observed myself and my actions. How can I do the things I am doing after achieving what I had so many months ago. From where I stand now, almost a year has passed since my peaceful stage. I miss that earlier time before the Jediism and all the other religious jargon. A time when there just was me and the breath. That's it. If I'm not mistaken, it's been 10 months since my last blog entry. I suppose I've been extremely angry and depressed since my fall back to the former self, the "shadow self ". Am I ready for another attempt at it? Am I ready? Is it worth it? I don't know, and that's probably a good place to start. Being honest with my self, acknowledging that I do not have all the answers right now, but .....I'm working on it. I find myself truly at a loss for anything in this present moment. I know that I have been paying less and less attention to my breathing , and that's where the problem began and lies. I'd prefer to be at a loss for words and such because adjusting is a bit easier this way. I have been "under water" so to speak and have been looking for a place to reemerge to the surface and come back up for AIR. NOW is the "time". I suppose being speechless is greater than having much to say. Well here I am, once again blogging. Lets see where this goes. I have been away for so long from myself and growing increasingly more and more isolated and anti-social. These are not very good indicators. Then again with out them how can I know it's time for resurfacing so to get some fresh air? Anyways ...until whenever...NAMASTE!