The Way Of The Peaceful Warrior

I have a new job and responsibilities. The opportunity has arisen and the door was opened for a reason. Why it was opened is unimportant in the present, only accepting what is as it is, is all that truly matters. I am now in a greater capacity to serve people and provide safety with trainningg and an enhanced view of property operation's. This will be a much larger "canvas to paint on". I'm truly grateful for such an opportunity as it will enhance my ability in mindfulness to a new level of awareness previously not possible. This new position will open up other doors and new horizons will emerge. So this year ends with the start of anew job and the promise of greater opportunity for spiritual enrichment and ultimate tranquility. Practicing mindfulness on a larger populace is awesome too. I will be able to witness the effect mindfulness can have on adults in a new environment that has endless possibilities and unlimited potential. May I be aware in all the new surroundings and be of service to all who cross my path throughout my day. This is my first week and I have been reviewed in a positive light already, for this I am also greatful to have had a good beginning. Namaste!

Your Worst Enemy Is Your Greatest Teacher

  It began drisseling around 8 or so this morning. I was up and had been working on some lighting designs for my company "The Ambient Being." I showed the designs to my fiance' and she said "That's gonna be to bright". Her tone and body language revealed her unconciousness instantly. I was immediately effected by her vibration and could feel the darkness surging through my veins. I reminded myself to breath, but somehow the anger was pushing pass my defenses. She could see my frustration with her and how her criticism was not constructive but crass and blunt. She then took to a defensive posture and tried to justify what she had said, but by this point I wanted to avoid the ensuing confrontation and leave the room before this spark became a flame that would burn down the house. I felt the urge to run. As I prepared silently for the run and gathered the things I would need, I reminded myself of the fact that unconcious people are not truely aware of their speach and conditioned responses. She was also having a difficult time getting her lighting system to work for her upcoming photography session and no doubt had been anxious about that. This would be Shawna's second attempt at this shoot for her client and was hoping for the best,so my lighting fixture drawing was understandably on the lower end of the priority scale.
   I was ready now for my run and had turned the kitchen corner and had run almost into her. She lovingly without words would usually block my path until I would be confronted with her, and she would have this smile that said "I'm sorry, now get over it". However, this time, she actually did the usual road block, BUT, she said the words "I'm sorry", and they were heart felt, and I knew it! I felt it within my being that she was not being sarcastic but genuine. "I got my lights to work"she said. She was now relieved that this ordeal with the lights was over and so was I. By the time she and I had this exchange, I was already pumped about running and said "oh baby, don't worry about it, it's ok". And you know what?....I meant it. The honesty felt amazing. In that exchange we were human, frail and loving. It was ambience taking a hold of a situation and breathing through it. Breathing through everything is the key to life. Every sound uttered requires a good amount of intake of air to produce a sound. Breathing,breathing,breathing and more breathing. Everything you need to know is in the breath, and most importantly, your breath.
   Now her brother, is a different matter altogether. A unique individual, smart, yes, at times funny, etc. However, he has been living with us for more than a year. The original agreement was two weeks. I think we both know how these types of arrangements turn out in the end. He struggels with alcohol addiction and we've been living with this "Dr. Jekel and Mr.Hide" personality for the entire time. To say that it was rough would be too generalized in my honest oppinion and not specific enough in order to convey the messege. It was the relationship that began a year ago and that ultimately lead to me walking away from the spiritual progress I had made, and slowly I began to regress in my trainning in the beautiful art of Mindfulness. To make this story short, I went through a very dark time in my life as a result of my fall. I gave into the fear that he would disturb my peace and so that just lead to frustration when he would'nt stop drinking. This just lead to more and more frustration which grew into bitterness, then anger crept in fast, and before I realized what had happened I had completely regressed to levels I was not even at before my period of powerful enlightenment, mindfulness of the present moment. Our time together had come to an end and I did'nt even realize it. The whole year I wanted him out of my home because "HE is the reason why I'm no longer a peaceful person!" and "He brings out the worst in people!" and so on and so on. The anger led to the blame game, and my ego loved being superior. I went through a necessary period of darkness to truely appreciate the light when it would return, and I always knew that it would return when the time had come and the lesson was learned. I was arguing with him even when he was not present! You know what I'm talking about. You are washing dishes and thinking about the big blow out days later and suddenly your heart begins to beat faster and faster and faster, and boom!...you are in a full on argument with this person and sometimes it even spills out into the open air and now your talking to yourself aloud! Sound familiar? We all have fallen short of the glory at some point or another, and perfection lies in the raising up from the floor when we have fallen down. I felt the time had come to let go of all the anger and hurt and bitter rage that was botteled up inside me and,....even say I'm sorry. I went for that run this morning. Nick and I had'nt talked since two days before Thanksgiving. Here we are december 4th, that's how long our grievience went. It was ongoing for the entire time he stayed with us. Our final blowout between him and I, I held nothing back but fired arrows of burning truth about all that I had built up inside for nearly a decade of knowing him. I was now standing on the porch, returning from a divine run and feeling amazing and blissful in the present moment. Coming from almost nowhere, Nick rides out from the side of my home on his bike into the slight drissel coming down now. I paused for a few seconds, gaging and thinking of how can I utter my first words to him in days. As he pedaled off down the drive way, "Where you goin Nick?" is what came out of my mouth, and it felt wonderful to speak to him again, and joy flooding back in to my being like blood to a torniqette apllied to a torn limb! He obviously shocked that I spoke to him caused him to mumbel a few words about running some errands and somethting about an apartment. "You need a ride?" I said truthfully and whole heartedly. This made him actually turn around on his bike in a the body language that seem to say " I appreciate the offer but I'm fine for now". He said he got the apartment he had been trying to get for some time now and that he was going to be out on monday. "Oh, you got the apartment? ..Cool". He quietly road off into the rain now, and I stood there and watched. Those words are what I thought I had wanted to hear come from his mouth all year long, but instead I felt such a powerful surge of electric humility corse through my body that my eyes gushed with tears like a punctured artery.I was stunned by my bodys emotional response and baffeled by the silence. No jumping for joy like those T.V. commercials you see. No laughter erupted from my belly like Santa. Instead, the pure truth sunk in. He was leaving, his lesson I had learned painfully well, HUMILITY. My teacher road away in the rain and I stood there,stunned,and in awe. My tears came down like a ruptured dark cloud filled with oceans of tears pouring out of my face. My worst enemy was my greatest teacher and he was now leaving. NAMASTE!

The Mandala and The Teacher

As I dreamt in the early hours of this morning, I saw many things in the realm of night visions and astral travel. I happened to enter a place very much like a large Aikido dojo. However, this place, was for what must be some form of Yoga instruction. Had it been Kundalini, the instructor would have been more than likely dressed in white. She, the instructor was not dressed in white, but she had the vibration of a Kundalini instructor and I was familiar with her, and the class I must have attended it before. I brought with me a huge soft blanket, but stronger than a normal sheet or blanket. It may have been woven, I'm not sure where I got it from, this was not reavealed to me in the dream. I would compare it to a painters tarp. It could literally blanket the room. It was also round and had all the markings of a "Mandala".(See image above) I began opening it up so I could share it with the entire class, so that they could all sit on it for whatever the practice was going to be, as I had never once spoke of or discussed Yoga being the subject matter for the class room setting. In fact, it's more a vibe I received than anything spoken. The teacher, a female who had dark hair and a light skin tone to the face, but details were not there for her face. She wore colorful clothing and her dress bottoms were long and loose like a gypsies. She saw me opening the blanket and said politely , "You don't have to open it all the way". I felt she was reassuring me that it was not necessary, however if that is what I wanted to do then it was fine. I continued to open it up fully as I was determined to share it with the others. There were guys and girls present in the class room, and later on one of them had to go in an abrupt manner, in which the Teacher asked the young man something politely, but I did not catch what she said or perhaps I just can't recall what she asked, but he seemed to be late for work as he returned to gather his belongings from the floor where we all sat and was wearing a purple nurses scrub. That's when she asked the question, and he politely declined at which time I seated very close to her, being close in relationship with this teacher said "At least you asked, the worst that can happen is he says no". I was smiling as If to be enjoying my class and company as well. I felt I belonged and had been a student for some undisclosed amount of time there. Now the details of my "Mandala" blanket were this, beautiful and colorful, almost identical to the image you see above. So this morning the first thing I did on the computer was run a search in Google images for Mandala's to see what came up and on the very first page there was this image and it struck a cord with me and my dream, and so I saved it and began to blog this dream right away so as not to lose the importance of it's message. I also read up on Mandalas and there meaning. It's a Sanskrit word that means "Circle". I have been working an a new logo for my company called "The Ambient Being" and my primary symbol is one I had received through deep meditation last year and have been working with recently, after along absence from my path. The symbol is a single brilliant navy azzurit blue ring with a pure white background. It symbolizes the infinite , having no beginning and no end, our true nature displayed metaphorically. I believe, representing our highest form. We are eternal beings, and so I chose(really led to) this as the logo for "The Ambient Being". I believe as time goes on I will discover more to this logo like a Mandala, unraveling it upon deeper meditation, in time more revelations, insights will come. I'm taking each day in moment to moment increments. Focusing on my breath as I go. NAMASTE!